My clients often wrestle with the belief they’re inherently mean and selfish just because their mothers told them so a few times.
Funny how us humans can swing wildly in our emotions, going from very low to very high. But we’re not so changeable in our thoughts.
Let me tell you one little secret that can change your life forever. Your life will change completely when you practice the skill to swing wildly in your thoughts too.
Brains don’t like to be challenged or to be wrong. It hates to have “cognitive dissonance”.
Cognitive dissonance is the mental tension when we have two contradicting ideas or thoughts in our minds.
For instance, the thought: “I’m inherently a mean, selfish person” vs “I’m compassionate and loving.”
How do we try to get rid of the discomfort of cognitive dissonance?
By unconsciously dismissing the new conflicting idea. And then by doubling down in our belief on the first idea by seeking more and more evidence for it in our lives.
Why would our brains rather be certain than right?
Our brains filter and interpret a lot of information every day. For instance, how we think about a door. We know it has a handle, it hinges, and opens into a new space.
Rather than every day going through the sequence of figuring out what a door is, our brain likes to create shortcuts about things.
Challenging any of its shortcuts seems dangerous, exhausting and overwhelming to our brain. It makes it freak out, because it starts thinking what else might it be wrong about.
And that feels like a threat, as if you could wake up one morning and all of a sudden, doors hinge at the top or don’t open at all.
That’s what’s happening for anyone believing she’s inherently a mean, selfish person because her mother said so.
It’s all happening unconsciously, but through coaching we can bring it into consciousness and work on changing it. As your coach I will help you witness your mind so you can change it to get what you want.
There’s a reason you can’t think of yourself as compassionate and loving. It’s because your whole idea of yourself is based on a thought contradictory to this.
The best way to get through the discomfort
More mental flexibility can help you through the uncomfortable period where you believe both the old conviction you want to get rid of, as well as the new one that will serve you better.
But oh, the joy and possibilities when you’ve mastered this skill. Imagine yourself in two years’ time. How you’ll:
- have more mental and emotional energy
- make better decisions faster
- improve all your relationships
- take control and create what you want in your life
- level up your whole life
Just because you’ve learned to stretch your brain a little.
Want all these benefits in your life? Then let’s get started as soon as possible.
Hit the button and email me. We can then set up a free consultation call where you can get to know me better and decide if you want me to be your coach and help you with this.