Tell me if you can hear the difference between these two questions.
- Who’s responsible for spilling the milk?
- Who’s responsible for the spilt milk?
It’s subtle, but it can make a huge difference.
Asking who’s responsible for spilling the milk is about finding the offender. It’s all about blaming and faultfinding.
On the other hand, asking who’s responsible for the spilt milk is to accept what is. And to think of ways to put things right.
Thanks for coach Michael Neill for giving me this analogy.
How does this apply to you and your mother?
Let’s bring it closer home to your relationship with your mother.
Say, you feel unworthy and unloved, full of self-doubt and fear. And you tell yourself you can’t achieve what you want in life because your mother always put you down.
That’s asking the “who’s responsible for spilling the milk?” question.
You’re trying to find someone to blame for your inadequacies. And listen, you may be right, the way your mother raised you can have a huge impact on your life.
But blame is a way of disowning the past.
If you tell yourself you see feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt and fear in you and you wonder how you can learn to cope with those feelings better … ah, now you’re asking the “who’s responsible for the spilt milk” question.
You’re opening yourself to see the possibility of your making an active contribution toward improving the situation. Your focusing your energies on your own talents to make things better.
Another analogy: you get hit by a car
Here’s another analogy. If you get hit by a car while walking on the street and your leg gets damaged, it’s not your fault. You needn’t blame yourself. But if you want to heal your leg, it’s your responsibility to get to the doctor. It’s your life, the one God gave you, and you have to take care of it.
As Michael Neill puts it: responsibility is a way to take ownership of the present and create a more positive future.
Do you want to create that future for yourself? Do you want to interact with your mother in a new way to release tremendous amounts of mental and emotional energy you can use to build a better future for yourself?
Book a free coaching call with me and let’s talk about your dreams.