Recently I got coached hard.
Oh, you thought coaches don’t get coached?
No, it’s still an amazing experience when another human holds up your thoughts to the light. And you can see the cracks in your thinking for yourself.
My mom tried to call me twice on Mother’s Day. And I didn’t answer the phone, because I wanted to spend time with my family.
Afterwards I felt so guilty. I beat myself up and told myself I was a bad person.
Then the old resentment kicked in …
I did wish her a happy Mother’s Day the day before. We had a nice, long chat. I sent her money as a gift.
I did my part. It should’ve been enough.
But it wasn’t. At the end of Mother’s Day, when it was already dark in her part of the world, she tried to call me, because she felt lonely.
It was a simple sentence in my brain that tripped me up.
My mother shouldn’t feel lonely on Mother’s Day.
By now, I know that every:
is a red flag.
It’s a sign I’m thinking something that’s not serving me and not helping me to have the relationship with my mother I truly want.
My coach helped me find that poisonous sentence.
I had to be reminded it’s okay that my mom felt lonely on Mother’s Day.
After all, she missed her daughters, who live on two different continents from her. She missed her husband and wished he lived longer. She missed her friend, who died the week before in her retirement home.
It’s also okay that I didn’t want to talk to her at that moment.
Feelings are incredibly fleeting
Emotions come and go. In and of themselves, they’re pretty harmless. Just sensations we experience in our bodies, because of something we’re thinking.
The next morning my mom got up and started organizing to buy a gift for the head-nurse of her retirement home, who was celebrating her birthday later that week. She was okay.
I, however, had to be coached.
Because for a hot second I forgot about this sentence: I love you, and no.
I forgot I can have empathy with her loneliness, not judge her for feeling that way and also not try to fix her feelings.
How great it felt to slip back into unconditional love for my mother and for myself.
If you want to keep your cool around your mother, click below to get access to a free video where I share the secret to do that.