In Venezuela there’s an “everlasting” lightning storm which occurs at least 4 out of every 10 nights of the year. Once the lightning bolts start flashing, the storm will keep going for 10 hours at a time, up to 280 times per hour.
It’s known as the Lighthouse of Maracaibo. (See picture above).
So, when I heard about this phenomenon, I couldn’t help thinking of the relationship between me and my mom before we sorted things out between us.
- Our fights felt everlasting too.
- They were very dramatic.
- And once they got started it was hard to stop them.
How do you break out of this pattern?
By using these three tools.
Think differently about your thoughts
“We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ,” wrote Paul to the Corinthians (2 Cor 10:5).
To take captive every thought is actually totally in line with the latest research in neuroscience.
No wonder Christian psychologist and co-author of the book Boundaries, Dr Henry Cloud, jokes that at last modern psychology started reading the Bible.
Think about it this way. Something happens and you register it with your senses. But to make sense of anything that occurs, you first have to interpret it. Thus, you’re the one giving it meaning by the way you think about it.
In the pause between your sensing, and then making sense of something lies tremendous power. Remember, it’s yours for the taking.
Therefore, let me give you a very useful sentence you can use to claim this agency.
“There are hundreds of ways I can think about what’s happening.”
So, when you experience the first flash of lightning when your mother says or does something you don’t like, remind yourself of your power, recall that sentence and take captive that thought.
And why do you want to do that?
For this commonsense reason.
Your brain wants to get stuck on only one way of looking at a situation, but if you can persuade it there are more ways to look at it you defuse the intense emotion from the situation. And then countless possibilities to deal with it open up for you.
Feel differently about your feelings
Feelings can be very uncomfortable, but remember, your feelings are your friends.
Here are 3 ways feelings are your besties.
- They offer a shortcut way to find thoughts not helping you deal properly with a situation. Whenever you experience hyperintense emotions, beware. See if you can find out what you’re thinking.
- Negative feelings offer you perspective and context for positive ones. You want to experience negative emotions sometimes. For example, you want to feel sad when a loved one dies. It’s also sadness that helps you appreciate joy so much better.
- Positive emotions motivate and inspire you. The best of all emotions is definitely unconditional love. Love is always an option. Love is always the best option. And love feels great, for you.
Do some of these ideas sound hard to apply in the lightning storm you’re experiencing with your mother?
Then, let me tell you about the third tool that can help you improve the relationship with her.
Get yourself some coaching
You can use these first two powerful tools on yourself. You can learn to identify your thoughts and change them. You can teach yourself how to use your emotions to your advantage.
But if you really want a transformation in your relationship faster, nothing beats hiring a life coach.
My relationship with my own mother improved so much, I now coach her every Saturday over the phone. She’s transforming relationship after relationship in her life. It’s such a blessing to see.
Do you want to know what she told me the other day?
“I just wish I discovered life coaching years and years ago. My life would have been completely different.”
Don’t have her regrets. Don’t wait. Start changing your life today.
Do you want to get a taste of life coaching? Then sign up for a free call with me.